If... Then...

“Son, what did you think would happen when you decided to drive your remote control robot off the top of the TV cabinet?”

“Why did you think that grabbing the toy out of your sister’s hand was a good idea? Did you consider what might happen next?”

“Sweetie, what were you thinking when you drew with purple marker all over your arm? Did you think that was a good idea? Did you think about how we were going to get that off?”

My days seem to be full of trying to teach my children the simple If-Then maxim. Granted, my son seems to be the slowest to grasp this concept, being that he is full of testosterone, and the “then” part of the maxim seems to be actually what he’s aiming at. If he could verbalize it, he would say, “Well, Mom, I was asking myself that very question. I thought it might explode into a thousand pieces, which would be very cool, but then again, it might not, which would be incredibly awesome. It really was a win-win situation.”

“But now it’s ruined and we cannot fix it!” I try to reason.

Though his lips say, “Sorry, Mom,” his eyes say, “Yeah, but it was worth it just to watch it disintegrate!” Then he says, “Can I get Dad’s tools and destroy it the rest of the way?”

It causes me to think back to a conversation I had with my brother when we were both in high school. He was grounded because he wasn’t doing so well in a certain class. I walked in his room, where he was NOT doing his homework. Perplexed, I asked, “Do you understand that if you do your homework, then you won’t get in trouble?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to,” he answered.

“But now you’re stuck in your room. Grounded.” I was trying to use simple phrases in hopes it might help the comprehension. “If you do your homework, you won’t get bad grades. If you don’t get bad grades, you won’t get grounded. Then you have freedom to do what you want.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to.”

I thought perhaps he didn’t hear me correctly. “If you do this,” I gestured to one side, “then you get this.” I gestured to the other.

Stunned silence. “So what?” he asked. I walked out of the room.

I was so floored by this reasoning, or lack thereof, I can picture the whole thing in my mind to this day. However, it has helped me understand so many situations I’ve come up against since then. While people are ranting and raving about how some wrong needs to be righted, I am mumbling in my mind, “If... then.... What did you think would happen?”

What I discovered from my brother, and I continue to observe with my children and most of society, is that the If-Then maxim breaks down because a desire for something outweighs the knowledge of the reasonable result. If someone wants to do something or wants to avoid something, he or she will deny the result of the action in order to justify the indulgence of that action.

Think about adultery. If I commit adultery, I will jeopardize my marriage -- perhaps even lose everything I have -- my home, my friends, my family, and my kids. The desire for what I want in the moment outweighs the knowledge of the reasonable result.

How about living within a budget? If I spend money based on what I want, instead of spending money based on what I have, I will be in debt. I will either have to pay that money eventually, or I will lose everything I have -- cars, house, etc.

Other than just admitting that the “then” part of the statement exists, the missing factor from the beginning of this reasoning is called sacrifice. People who make wise choices sacrifice their immediate desires for the long-term good. It requires maturity and self-control.

Personally, I would like to lie in bed and watch movies while eating chocolate ice cream at least three hours a day. However, I don’t because it wouldn’t be good for me physically, mentally or spiritually. Also, my house needs to be cleaned, groceries need to be obtained, and children need to be taken care of (to name but a few things I do instead of indulging myself). I sacrifice my desire to satisfy my wants by looking at the result of what would happen if I made that choice.

When my husband and I were going through training to become foster parents I found out that a huge percentage (something like 90%) of the individuals who are incarcerated are former foster system kids. Immediately my mind went to the If-Then. “If children have stable families, then they will not end up in prison. So," I pondered, "if this is true, why is our society throwing money at more prisons, better rehab programs, more policemen, and new laws to cover all the ways people discover to be 'bad'?” Does anyone besides me see the If-Then statement here? To solve the problem, wouldn’t it be logical to spend the money encouraging families to stay stable and intact?

Another place the If-Then seems obvious is in education. What is the ONE thing that causes success for a child in school? Parents. When the parents are involved and stable, then the kids succeed. It’s not the curriculum, it’s not the lunch programs, and it’s not the buildings. It’s the parents. The schools are now actually taking on the job of parenting kids since parents don’t want to do it anymore. Schools are very inadequate parents. I know it as well as every other educator, because we've tried. Trust me. If children have involved, two-parent families, then they succeed in education. If-Then.

The next time someone starts ranting about an "inexplicable situation" apply the If-Then and blow his/her mind away.

If... then... It’s such a simple concept.

(In my brother's defense, I must state for the record that he grew into a fine, upstanding, citizen and he is not to be judged on the basis of a conversation he had during his teen years with his annoying, younger, goodie-two-shoes sister.)