The Bible Is So Inconvenient

The Bible is horribly inconvenient.

The Old Testament is full of bloodshed – and claims that God actually orders the executions of entire countries because they are “wicked” – including women, children and cattle. I mean, what did the cattle do? Isn’t PETA going to do something about that?

And Jesus… he was downright mean. He called people names, like “hypocrites,” “adulterers,” and “murderers.” Since when is name-calling okay? He threatened people with judgment and hell if they didn’t turn away from their sins and live “sold out” for Him. He said things like, “Woe to you,” and “You will not inherit the kingdom of God.” He didn’t give anyone second chances or give any encouragement for just trying. It was all or nothing. Not realistic at all.

There are so many things in the Bible that are just hard to deal with in today’s world. It seems that more and more of it needs to be redefined so that it doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings or make anyone feel ostracized. God is loving, right? So, it doesn’t matter WHAT you do, as long as you do it sincerely, right?

For example, in 1 Corinthians 6, it says that anyone who is a drunkard (someone who gets drunk as a practice) will not inherit the kingdom of God (will not go to heaven). That is so wrong! Obviously, these people did not understand the pressures of this life. I mean, what’s the big deal about going barhopping on Friday night after work? It almost sounds like God is saying I’m going to go to hell if I pursue drunkenness. Surely God wouldn’t send someone to hell for that!

It is pretty clear to me that as long as I have safe sex with a consenting adult (of either gender) it’s no big deal. Everyone does it and seems to be just fine. There must be a mistranslation or something about not being saved if you are an adulterer, fornicator, or homosexual. I’m sure God wants me to be happy, and sex makes me happy. Those verses must apply to some sort of cultural situation that was going on then – not now. I mean, now-a-days we have unique financial strains that make it necessary for me to live with my boyfriend. God still loves me, no matter what I do, and, by the way, I’m not going to hurt my gay neighbor’s feelings by implying that God will not have mercy on him either.

These Bible bangers are so rude. It is NOT nice to tell people they are going to hell if they don’t believe and live for Jesus. As long as people believe in God and live pretty good lives, I’m sure God will be fine with that. He knows we’re trying as hard as we can. After all, who are we to judge others? Doesn’t the Bible say somewhere not to judge others?

And what is up with these Bible freaks who are trying to bring God into politics? Separation of church and state people! Hello!! God is not in charge of the United States, and I’m sure that He doesn’t mind if God-given rules are not applied to our government.

Look, I go to church when I can and that’s good enough. That’s all God requires, right? I give Him Sunday, and I’m good to go. Don’t give me this, “The Bible says…” stuff. It’s downright annoying


"You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits. Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.’” (Mat 7:16-23)

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